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Nikita

[ website | Kita's Pagette ]
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[ archive | journal archive ]

....oh how the rain can make you feel.... [Oct. 18th, 2005|06:49 pm]
Nikita
[Current Mood |blankblank]
[Current Music |Jack Johnson-Belle (over and over agian)]

the song Belle could quiet possibly my new favorite Jack Johnson song, it makes me happy and feel like theres beauty floating through my ears i love it...i love jack johnson, great cd, i recommend it most definetly now i will go look out the window while im on break....
im okay im good im alright im doing fine i'd say to you ...
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well it's love make it hurt [Sep. 12th, 2005|08:46 pm]
Nikita
[Current Mood |In love... <3]
[Current Music |Taking Back Sunday~ It's Love Song...lol]

..........I LOVE YOU JESSY ANDREW, AND I MISS YOU HOPE YOU HAVE A GOODNIGHT BABY................


~Big KiSsEs 4 duh BEaWwR, Lil says hi and he misses you XoXo
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im sprung [Sep. 7th, 2005|02:06 am]
Nikita
[Tags|]
[Current Mood |Sprung!! Lol]
[Current Music |Im srung -T pain]

Artist : T-Pain
Song : I'm Sprung

Lyrics:

[Chorus]
I'm Sprung...
Out to get me...
Got me doin thing's I'll never do
If u ain't been i'm tellin you
I'm Sprung...(I'm Sprung)
Out to get me..
Got me doin thing's I'll never do
If u ain't been i'm tellin you

You do (7x)

[Chorus]
I'm Sprung...
Out to get me...
Got me doin thing's I'll never do
If u ain't been i'm tellin you
I'm Sprung...
Out to get me...
Got me doin thing's I'll never do
If u ain't been i'm tellin you

You do (4x)
You (do 15x)

[Verse 1]
She got me doin da dishes
Anythang she won't for some kisses
I cook it for her when she get's hungry
All she doin is actin like she won't me
She cuttin off all my homies
Even all my other ronnies
She ain't even my main lady
She got me thinkin bout her lately
Man she really don't deserve me
All she wanna do is hurt me
So I gotta get away from her...
But now i'm leavin quickly
Be for she come and try to get me..
And i'm taken everythang with me...
Well it all come down to her...

[Chorus]
I'm Sprung...
Out to get me...
Got me doin thing's I'll never do
If u ain't been i'm tellin you
I'm Sprung...
Out to get me...
Got me doin thing's I'll never do
If u ain't been i'm tellin you

[Verse 2]
So we went our separate ways...
It's been a couple of days...
But now i'm doin what I won't to
With nobody to tell me what i'm gone do
And i'm feelin so free...
With nobody but me...
Now I can handle all my business
All of my fellas can I get a witness
But i'm feelin kinda lonely...
On top of that i'm kinda horny
And I gotta get back to her....
Now i'm leavin quickly...
Be for she come and try to get me...
And i'm taking everything with me...
Well it all come down to her...

[Chorus]
I'm Sprung...
Out to get me...
Got me doin thing's I'll never do
If u ain't been i'm tellin you
I'm Sprung...
Out to get me...
Got me doin thing's I'll never do
If u ain't been i'm tellin you
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Mother Bitch My sisters funny!!! [Sep. 6th, 2005|05:12 pm]
Nikita
[Tags|]
[Current Mood |peacefulpeaceful]
[Current Music |Maroon 5- She Will Be Loved]

yeah she knows why...lol ahh haha but yeah Jess called me twice today to tell me he loved me and would call me tonight he also told me what he did last night even though he didnt have to tell me, i trust him...but yeah he was calling from a payphone so we didnt get to talk long but it still meant a lot that he called me...man i love him i cant wait to get my tatoo and show everyone im not that big of a pussy !!!! I've been designing it to perfection all day cause if ama do it it's gotta be perfect!!

No one will understand it but its meant for Jesse and my lil one anyways. kind of like a tribute for the ones i love, i love them both and i miss them so this is the way i shout out my love for them both :)....i figure the pain i will endure will be worth it considering the pain i gave to them..plus i figured i just i'd just take a shot of some liquor before i go im for sure going to cry but hey i know i wont regret it i love those guys and it's something i wanna do so next saturday i will get my tatoo and appreciate it and love it forever!!!!
I'm planning on getting it on the right side of my lower back cause thats where my meat is and hopefully it wont hurt so much there we'll see wont we?!

But yeah Im excited cause this next check is all mine and I already have an idea of what I'm going to get...my tat firstly then a shopping spree at Footsies and visit to the guitar store oh yeah working long hours pays off like a mother bitch lol-thats for my baby Jesse who always says that yeah i stole it and what?!? but yeah i miss him i hope he figures everything out soon cause i would love for him to be as certain as i am .... that would be great, i bought him this card that explains every feeling and every emotion about us and i hope he likes it i know he will he appreciated lil things like that...;) man i love that kid i write and write about him all day and wouldnt get sick of it EVER!!!!!!! i LoVe hiM!!! THAT'S ALL I WANTED TO SAY










*ANDREW you are MY sunshine i miss you like crazy cakes!!! woOOoOoO*
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Quicky! [Sep. 6th, 2005|12:56 pm]
Nikita
well im at work but i thought i should vent out that i love jesse and miss him like crazy, gigi's not moving out my aunt is gonna give her another chance and yeah what else...i just got in trouble by my boss for not knowing how to transfer a call to a cellphone my bad this isnt my job member?!! but whatev's...so yeah im going to get my tat next saturday with my next check!!! and ama go guitar shopping i saw one i wanted to get but im not sure i heard theres cheaper and still nice ones so ama go and see whats up with that...but yeah im doing alright...i had a great time with jesse and his family even though i cried a lot...its all good though hopefully he figure outs what he wants cause im dead serious about this shit i've never been so determined to get someone...but yeah im not giving up am already designing my tatoo with the first letter of his name on me....but yeah...we had a great time i know he misses me and loves me the same he's just scared of getting hurt agian which i wont do... im going crazy in a good way for the one im supposed to be with and i have no shame, except that i shame of hurting him and fucking his head up...i think we'll be okay as long as he really is thinking about us while im away... :)im keeping my head up and not talking to anyone anymore infact im ignoring calls from certain guys my mom gave my number to!! she's such a bitch...anyway last night i just about went off on titi for trying to talk shit and explain why she didnt like jessse and i just shot back infront of Norman too, "you dont know him and you dont know what we went through i love him and he loves me, he's not loser he's talented and i dont want to talk about this with you anymore!" and i got up and she was like" im sorry if you love him then be with him but dont let him walk all over you you gottta make him better himself" i was like ," titi im not an idiot i wouldnt be going v=crazy for someone who isnt worth it he makes me happy and he loves and supports me always thats all i care about and for the record he has a job and he knows to take care of business" and then she was like, "okay Nikita i just dont want you to get hurt like with Gian and Kevin and just take care of yourself, if he loves you and you love him i'll support you guys" and that was that and she shut her ass up and i think she understood the saverity of the situation and how serious i am about fixing this mess that i caused...i love him and that s it no one can change my mind and if he asks me to marry him i will, and i'd dont it without even thinking twice thats how serious i am!!!! i want my baby back!!! lol but yeah ama go now time to switch jobs agian...later :)
ps- thanks for hurting me Gian you really helped me realized who i was supposed to be with and that i shouldn't be looking elsewhere for someone i already had/have...someone who appreciates and loves me 100%


i thinkk i'll be happy soon but yeah ummmm later gotta go now :)
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The Sweet Sound Of Nothing....By Jesse Levario [Sep. 6th, 2005|12:09 am]
Nikita
[Current Mood |relievedrelieved]
[Current Music |T-PAIN- I'm Sprung]

Jess wrote this song for me and it's the most beautiful song...I love it...we sang it to each other this weekend and it was a beautiful moment in my life, I almost forgot how beautifully he played and sang


Silence in the air, Silence in your eyes Watch this hand grab hold of yours as we throw ourselves into the sky
(Nothing)
And your eyes are the only thing i see tonight
When we pull the sheets over our heads,
We'll see the world known to you and me,
A place were we can spread our love
the place where we can always RETREAT....

Silence in my ears, Silence in my eyes,
Watch these waves crash down under these bright blue skies
(Nothing)

Watch the day slowly fade into night and with a lasting breath turn around and sigh

And your eyes are the only thing I see tonight,
When we pulll the sheets over our heads,
We'll see the world known to you and me,
Aplace where we can spread our love
the place where we can always.........RETREAT

*a BEAUTIFUL thing happend to me, yeah a BEAUTIFUL thing happend today I saw myself in your eyes*


-jESSE lEVARIO dedicated to me :)
this weekend was a really good one we made a originally agreed to see eachother to talk things out and see where we stood but with all that has gone on I realized I was always thinking about him and missing him because he is the one I am to be with...I've loved him always and denied it because I couldnt handle the petty fights and shit but every relationship needs work and I wish I had never left him or hurt him but you live and you learn and what I've learned is to follow your heart not what others say I love him and always have even when I made my mistakes with people and situations...he's the one we've been through too much shit to let go and not try to fix...he loves me for me, he appreciates everything i do and say and he supports me and loves me unconditionally and in my sister's words: "..your looking for love and to be honest its gonna be a long time before you find a love like the one you have with Jesse, he loves you!!" and it's true I want him back but I hurt him so I gotta give him him time to think things threw but I know he loves me and this Maya girl aint shit to be worring about...at least I dont think so. but whatever I gotta keep a clear head and be patient because I dont want to loose him agian...the whole Gian thing was a mistake and not worth it at all especially since he ended up doing what everyone said he would, I was played with but thats okay that's what I get for hurting Jesse in the first place...I'm okay with that now...I love Jesse and I have no shame or doubt about it, it was a good labor day weekend...we talked , we partied, we loved, and we bonded and had a great time...I think everything will be okay at least I hope it will be.... :) I really think I could marry him RIGHT NOW...But I won't not just yet at least he's gotta ask me back out first...lol but yeah I think I'll be okay I miss him though I'm glad I told him how I felt..hopefully he forgives me and takes me back sooner than later...I really hurt him and fucked up his head and possibly his future, but I gotta think positive on this regardless I love him and always will...Im getting my tatoo next pay check on the back of my neck or above my butt of a lil bear paw ontop of a big bear paw and the letters L AND J for Jesse and our Little one...RIP BUT yeah...thats all ama go to bed night night
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ugh !!! [Sep. 2nd, 2005|07:45 pm]
Nikita
Im bored and tired and full... I wanna lay in my bed already oooo but its almost 8pm thats cool :)
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A series of unfortunate events indeed [Sep. 2nd, 2005|05:51 pm]
Nikita
Well I just got back from our casual friday luncheon at Avila's El Ranchito with everyone including my hot boss Juan Carlos and Luis it was fun and we're all full and tired now it's funny but not cause I know later I'm going to regret going, I was trying to eat something light so i order A beef ChimiChanga and I'm thinkinn to myself perfect it says one chimichanga nothing else so then we start talking and piercings comes up, and Juan Carlos asks me my thought on them and i say that i like them but am to scared to get one then menchin my sister having one on her face above her lip and my mom on her nose and he says that a nose ring would look really good on me and that he likes belly rings on a women but not as much these days but still likes them ... i was all nervous like a dork anyway off that my rent check bounced and im totally worried about it especially since my check for this week is 2hundred something wtf ??? im confused and not happy CAUSE IF THIS IS NORMAL THATS NOT COOL!!! I got shit to pay for now...but yeah whatevs as long as my rent and cell is paid for thats all that matters, to me at least...but yeah im not happy with that at all. I hope this shit aint stayin like this cause i need to start spending money on me I've been giving to everyone but myself...infact now that i think about it i havent bought myself something since i started working..i need to cool it on especially when it's been on people that dont deserve it..mmhhmmm but yeah i love helping people probably too much and i dont realize it sometimes and that could be a problem if I dont control it...but yeah Adrian called me just like he said he would and it was nic eto bad he can only call at 2 cause my break at 2 is short but thats okay we still got to talk and it was nice he cheered me up as always...not that i was down...okay i kinda was but not anything crazy like yesturday...but yeah we talked and that was it he wished me a good day and said he missed me and to check my myspce to see what he wrote me and I feels good to have someone to talk to I just hope it keeps up because I like having someone call me for a change and wanna talk to me the same amount as I do with them its a good feeling. But yeah we're just friends. Well off that Jesse said he'd call today but he didnt and to be honest I hope he doesnt cause I know I'll get hurt agian...and agian and agian cause I'll wanna know what happend with Maya and when he tells me it will fuck me up and then I'll be a trippers magee on him for no reason! He's not my boyfriend and I need to stop this childish shit, I told him to move on !!!! But that was because I thought Gian and I were going to have something more...but yeah nevermind that I guess I'll just be me and whatever happens happens....I know he's just fucking with me, and it sucks that I'm all of a sudden so weak to fall for it, whats wrong with me...ridiculous is what I'm being. Well yeah another recent event is that Norman isn't calling Titi and right after she put the down payment for their house for him and Kevin...sound sfishy but Ibeliev he loves her and wnats to marry her so I think he is just spending time with his kids or talking to his wife and turned off the phone so that theres no drama...he's proven himself to me and I think he wont fuck up at least today I dont think...but guys will suprise you... I would know I dated (not boyfriends just dating) 3 in the past few months and they all but they all turned out bad not them persay just the relationships and situations ...

But yeah and then theres my sister moving out thing thats totally fucking up my head...I'm really gonna miss her I dont know how this shit is gonna work out, I mean I can live without her but she's helped me a lot and we always had eachother when my aunt got all crazy cakes on us and we had to have eachothers backs with that kinda shit, and what am I going to do when its a couples thing and Im lonely??? Well that already happens so I guess that ones out but still she's my wing man ... god ama miss her especially if she goes to El paso with Ralph which looks like a smart option for her at the moment considering the contditions of things...man this sucks but I want her happy...I LOVE YOU "GEM"!!!!!!

oKAY sO yEaH... iM alittle upset and sad about a few things but I'll be alright.. Im alive and that's all that matters
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Things are a little shakey.... [Sep. 2nd, 2005|12:55 pm]
Nikita
Yesturday i was a mess, crying over jessse contemplating if i did the right thing the right thing by leaving him...all becuase Gian pretty much had me then threw me away, and Kevin fucked with my head...but im still confused on the whole thing because im a fuckin crazy bitch i wanna hate Jesse but i know everything he told me was to piss me off and get me jealous...and it worked cause he knows me more than i know myself and he knows that im a jealous freak and it totally worked i was up late last night trying to figure out what he was adoing with this Maya girl on a double date, sure i go out with guys but i dont call him and tell him we hooked up he guesses adn investigates that shit on his own! But whatever he and I are the same we always do this to eachother and its a pain but we're both fucked in the head thats why we were together for so long,so yeah i miss him but he's either moving on and wants me to beg to take him back or he's really okay without me either way im fine..Gian hurt me real bad but I can't change that i loved what we had but its gone now and it was fun while it lasted, Kevin was nice but he's wierd Norman told me some distrubing shit about him that im like totally disgusted by him and am glad that he's avoiding our house and me, whatever he wants his fat asian chick back i dont know what thats about but thats all him im over that shit...as guys I'm confused by them and with them but as of now the only guy in my life that i trust is Adrian suprisingly he's been really good about keeping in touch and keeping me happy, its wierd how the ones you think wont keep in touch do and then some...i've always loved him he was a great boyfriend so yeah we're talking and he's just a really good friend granted he wants to take me out when he's off house arrest but i'm not gonna get all excited cause it's Adrian and he's all hot and probably not gonna go out on a date with me, im thinking negitive because thats what guys have me thinking these days im going to be real careful from now on with any guy...cause im tired of getting hurt, but yeah he and I are going to defintley hang out when he can cause we've been there for eachother these couple of days and it'll be good to be around someone who knows me and understands me and wont hurt me...i dont think we're going to go out because i would have a problem trusting him...i mean he didi cheat on Ashely with me months ago...but yeah he's a pimp that one is and i know that but for now we're just friends no benefits nothing sure he says he likes me and misses me and can't wait to see me but he said that before and whenn i thought we were going to get back together we just hooked up and he got a new girlfriend so i dont wanna get my hopes up...im staying clear from hurtful situations or hurtful people but i think he's changed for the better but only time will tell right now after all the hurt i think i just endured in this week alone im good one relationships...i need to think about me i dont want to want someone just because theres couples in my house i want it to come naturally and if it does then so be it. i'll write late ri gott a switch jobs
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its gonna be closing time... [Sep. 1st, 2005|08:28 pm]
Nikita
[Current Mood |disappointedin myself mostly]

you think i 'd be happy but im not im not looking forword to talking to titi and having our family meeting tonight im so not in the mood to deal with more than what ive got on my mind right now i just want to go and lay in my bed hopefully drink but i probably wont get to well i gotta go clean out the break room and the coffee room and the kids area and then get the fuck out of here for the night im so depressed but whatev's i'll get over it sooner or later goodnight
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